Changes II

Wow what a difference being honest makes.  Last night I went and visited the church that I talked about earlier and it was so amazing.  I went with the purpose of apologizing to him and he wasn't even bothered by it.  His exact word were "well it's not like it was anything I didn't deserve."  Had it been coming from someone who didn't know better he may have been right but coming from me I felt that it was wrong.  Now we've settled everything and it's amazing joy, praise and thanksgiving that comes with seeing and knowing the wondrous way God changes people.  I can't help be overjoyed with everything I see taking place around me and knowing that he will now be with me in heaven one day.

Changes

It's funny how looking back can make you realize just how stupid you were and how it can humble you more than you ever imagined.  Friday night I ran into a guy that i knew in high school and reality hit. Everyone had told me that he had changed and he's now a pastor but it didn't sink in.  till i saw him that is.  someone i never pictured walking into church, carrying a Bible or even wearing a suit.  when i saw him that night i realized that i had never been the Christian i should've been in front of him.  don't tell me that guilt can't bring you down to where you should be because it hit me like a rock.  i had always been the type that if you verbally attacked me i fought back and now i realize just how wrong i was.  i wasn't the loving Christian that i was taught to be but instead I was the one who came right back at you many times with words meant to hurt not heal.  oh how God will make you realize just how foolish you were.  what has bothered me even more since then is the fact that i look back and think about the fact that had he died before two years ago his blood would have easily been on my hands because I knew what God expected and i never witnessed to him nor did i ever live the way i should have.  When you have God show you someone from your past that you could have been held accountable for it changes how you look at things.  this has made me realize that i can't just say that i'm a Christian but i have to live it everyday.  i knew this before but oh how real it becomes when God let's you see what might have been had He not been merciful.  see i could clearly see this person standing at the judgment seat had he died before he was saved asking me why i hadn't told him about the Lord.  trust me it's not worth having to face this just so you can live however you want to in this world.  Don't make my mistakes. if you are a Christian don't just say it live it.  You never know what God has instore and if someday they become a member of the family of God you don't wanna look back and have to ask yourself was i who i should have been.  live for Christ always. be kind even when you don't want to be.
Luke 6:35-36 But love ye your enemies and do good and lend hoping for nothing again and your reward shall be great and ye shall be the children of the Highest for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil.  Be ye therefore merciful as your Father also is merciful

Beautiful things from the word of God

First let me say it is always wonderful when God shows us things out of His word. Two things He's showed me here lately has been during my morning devotions. The first comes from Matthew 16:28 which says Verily I say unto you, There be some standing here, which shall not taste of death, till they see the Son of man coming in his kingdom. Jesus was telling His disciples that some would see heaven before death. Ain't it amazing to look at the last book of the Bible and realize that John was there when Jesus said this and then later on He wrote the book of Revelation. Most of you I'm sure have never heard the argument that the John who wrote St John I, II & III John is different from the John who wrote Revelation. Well I'm sorry to say that those who argue this are wrong. The opening of Revelation plainly states that John: Who bare record of the word of God, and of the testimony of Jesus Christ, and of all things that he saw. So isn't wonderful to see the connections in the Bible and to realize once again that you can only interpret the Bible by the Bible.

Back to the routine

Well it's the third day of school and even though I'm absolutely exhausted it is still great to be back in a routine. Some may say I'm crazy but without the routine I go crazy. I've got about a year and a half left and then I'm through with undergrad school. I know some people think I'm crazy because I'm wanting to start things before most people think that I should but I don't care. For the first time in a while to my shame my main focus isn't on this world anymore but on God and my Savior. Oddly enough by focusing on Him He gives me the determination I need to do things now instead of waiting until they're due. All I know is no matter what happens with school I'm OK and no one can change that.

Our God is an Awesome God

I've been thinking this week on the blessings God has bestowed upon us and those around us this year. It is so awesome to look at all the people God has healed or touched in some way and to realize that He wouldn't do any of it if He truly didn't love people. I look back over the summer and I can count at least 3 people God healed. First would be a lady named Hazel that I go to church with. The doctors were positive that she had cancer and yet when she went back for another scan before the biopsy they couldn't find a thing. Second and dearest to me is my dad. Back at the beginning of July he went to the hospital because he was having a hard time breathing and was having a lot of pain. Well while he was there they diagnosed him with pleurisy and at the same time found unusual spots on the top fourth of both his lungs. Well this worried us because my grandfather died after being diagnosed with lung cancer. Well they did two bronchoscopies and couldn't find anything so at the end of July they did a wedge resection biopsy. Thank the Lord all it was was scare tissue where he had apparently had pneumonia and didn't know it. Finally the most recent one I can think of is a young man whose like family to me. Two years ago he had been diagnosed with cancer and God saw fit to heal him. Well just recently they thought that the cancer had come back except this time it was in his lungs but once again before they even did the biopsy they couldn't find. What makes this story even better is it didn't just thrill those who had been praying it also thrilled the doctors and nurses because they were one hundred percent positive that was cancer and they had just took him back for prep and did another scan and couldn't find a thing. Our God is truly and awesome God. When He rolls up His sleevesHe ain't just puttin' on the ritz(our God is an awesome God)There is thunder in His footstepsAnd lightning in His fist(our God is an awesome God)Well, the Lord wasn't jokingWhen He kicked 'em out of EdenIt wasn't for no reason that He shed his bloodHis return is very close and so you better be believingthat our God is an awesome God Our God(our God) is an awesome GodHe reigns(He reigns) from heaven aboveWith wisdom(with wisdom) pow'r and loveour God is an awesome God And when the sky was starless in the void of the night (our God is an awesome God)He spoke into the darkness and created the light(our God is an awesome God)Judgment and wrath he poured out on SodomMercy and grace He gave us at the crossI hope that we have not too quickly forgotten thatour God is an awesome God

The peace that comes with surrender

It's amazing how much peace God has blessed me with over the past few weeks. I'm slowly learning what my place in life is according to the Bible and oddly enough it brings me to a point where I can accept myself for who I am and for who and what God has called me to be. You know it's strange the further I've gone into what God wants from me the more I realize that I don't need a man right now. Don't get me wrong dating and possible getting married one day sounds great but I'm wonderfully happy just depending on God to be the love of my life. He showed me yesterday that part of the reason He has kept me single is the fact that He has things such as Grad school in store for me where the fact that I'm a women can be hard enough (so I've heard) but not only that I need to focus on church and school right now and worry about one thing at a time. I've been blessed so wonderfully with parents who are supporting me (in their own way) but also with the understanding to look at others and learn from them. For example one of my best friends has a boyfriend and she is wonderfully happy but on the other hand my best friend here at home is single and has to a certain point been disowned by her family and is a lot of the time stressed out. At the same time I look at them and I see the difference that having the Lord in your life can make. I am so grateful for parents who raised me according to the Bible even if they are a little overprotective at times. My advice to all who read this look around you and you'll see just how wonderfully blessed you are by God. "I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread. He is ever merciful, and lendeth; and his seed is blessed." Psalm 37:25-26 I agree with the psalmist I'm not that old but I have slowly watch God remove His hand from this nation but you know I've never seen where His people weren't taken care of physically and spiritually. He is so merciful to us because He could have just as easily turned on this nation and put us into captivity just as He did Israel but He has blessed this nation and had spared this nation because of the righteous and because of the prayers of the saints. We mustn't forget how easily this country could be destroyed without the protection of God and we as Christians must remember how blessed we are by God to have the freedom to worship Him because even though it seems like we are persecuted and I have no doubt that we are but we haven't seen how bad it can be. Lord I ask that You would always remind me when I complain about things here that there are Christians in other lands who don't have the same freedoms I do and that You would always remind me how that even with the persecution they risk their lives daily to work in Your harvest and to worship You. Help me keep in focus how important it is that I live by Your Word and that I never back down from standing on Your Word. I love You Lord and I praise You for all You've done. Please forgive me for not seeing Your blessings in my life and around me.

Stress and relief at the same time

It's amazing sometimes how you can be stressed and at the same time be relieved. This week has made me realize just how much I've got ahead of me but I've been somewhat relaxed about it. I know I've got at least five and a half years ahead of me still and yet I'm not worried about it. Yeah it's hard to think about the fact that I have so much work ahead of me but for some reason God has seen fit to grant me peace about what I am going to school for. He's even blessed me to a certain point with the patience I need to not only get through school but also to accept the fact that right now I'm single and that's what He has for me. It seems strange that this week is so peaceful (and I know there is probably a storm around the corner because Satan won't leave God's people alone) especially considering that finals are coming up and this should be getting close to the most stressful time of the year but God has blessed me so much. He has restored my hope that in His time (NOT mine) He will save the lost in my life and will use me to bring them to Him if I'll just surrender to Him. I know it is and will be hard to daily surrender but I'm learning I have to try and give Him everything of me in order for Him to use me. I can't help but feel so grateful for everything He has given me and continues to give me. You know it's strange most people would freak out about looking at graduate schools when they still have a year and a half left in their undergraduate program but it's been a relief for me to start looking because I know that by starting now I'll have more than enough time to research each school and apply and take all my necessary entrance exams. GOD IS AN AMAZING AWESOME INSPIRING WONDERFUL FATHER and I KNOW HE'S THERE NO MATTER WHAT.

Patience

I realized today that I'm not a very patient person. I want so bad to have a family that my three main thoughts are God, school, and finding a husband. Now granted I'm not really looking for someone but it's hard to find anyone when the majority of your friends are males and would hurt any guy if they dared think about dating you and then breaking your heart. But then again I'm also a very pick person. Just any guy want do there are qualifications that he MUST meet. But still you know it's har to look back and say you know I've never had a boyfriend and I wonder if I ever will. I guess I need to learn that things come in God's time not our's but it is still hard to sit back and wait when biology speaking I'm at the prime of my life and my hormones are saying it's time to get married.

Growing up the hard way

This is to those of you who are probably still living at home and going to church where your parents tell you and probably wishing that they would give you more freedom. Well take it from me enjoy this time in your life where you don't have to make major decisions. I've lived on my own and I've taken on some of the responsibilities of an adult. I've decided for myself where I go to church and what I do and I've learned some lessons the hard way. For example if you talk to "elders" those who are older in the Lord they will tell you to take your time and really examine a church before you join. My dad even pointed out to me things to watch for in a "modern" church but I wouldn't listen. I've been in a church that had I listened to my dad the first time I would have seen early on that they were spiritually dead and now I'm in a similar position where had I took the time and went for more than a month I would have seen and realized that there was things at the church that I don't believe the Bible backs and that I can't ignore anymore. So now after having only been at this church for eight months I've left and have began attending another church and now I'm going to take my time even if I'm there for a year or more before I join then so be it. So take my advice don't rush into adulthood because growing up the hard way is no fun.

Relationship

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.-II Corinthians 6:14-16 The reason I started out with this passage of scripture is because I have come to see the value of following the Bible. Back in September I met a man who I thought I truly wanted to be in my life. Michael was the next to best thing that had ever happened to me (the first being my salvation of course). As I got to know him I learned that he was 13 years older than me divorced and had a kid. Well all of this worried me but I knew if we tried we could make things work. I was so naive. The more we talked the more I realized that even though he was raised as a baptist with a dad who was a baptist deacon his mom's Catholicism had made a bigger impression on him than anything else. But like some tend to do I thought well I can get him in church I can change him and fix him and it will all work out fine. But I was wrong. As much as I want him to be a part of my life I realized last month that I can't be in a relationship with him. I have always heard "be ye not unequally yoked" but I never really saw just how unequal we were until God showed me that as much as I love him we don't even agree on the basic thing need for eternal life. We don't agree on the need for salvation. If we don't agree on that then what chance is there that we can agree on anything? There's not so I realize now that if I want to be used of God I have to stand firm and not have a relationship with someone who is going to contradict me and tell me that my beliefs are wrong because in a strange way to allow that would be a form almost of verbal abuse because spiritually it would tare me down and if you tare me apart spiritually then you pulled the life out of me. So I guess my point is take it from someone who's been there don't be in a relationship where any of the points made in those three verses applies. Trust me life is so much better when you're centered on God and not on a human.

Hard choices

You know we all face times when we're not really sure what the right choice is and alot of times we end up having to examine and weigh the cost of the choices we make. This story is one that I rarely share but I believe that maybe somehow this will help you see who I am and what God has done in me. It was the fall of 2007 when I met Andy. He was and is a great guy but instead of letting God lead me I allowed my emotions to guide my thinking. When I met Andy everything started out as innocent as could be but it wasn't long before the relationship even though it was not physical became sinful at least on my part. Andy and I had been "together" (everyone thought we were dating but we weren't) for a couple of months when we went over to the school gym so he could work out I was just there so he'd have someone to talk to. Everything was going fine until we went in the weight room where he decided to work out without a shirt on which was fine for him but for me that was the point that threw me off the cliff so to speak from caring to lust. I remember that night because I was so far off the edge that I had to walk out of the weight room and call a good Christian friend of mine to walk me through it. It scared me more than anything ever has because I knew without God using Crystal to walk me through everything that night could have been the night that ruined my whole entire testimony. See for those who don't really know me I've never been kissed or anything else but that night I was more than willing to forget about my raising and my commitment to God to be pure until I'm married and I was ready to turn my back on it all but thanks be to God for a good Christian friend who was able to remind me that if I lean on God I can fight whatever Satan throws at me and win. Now I'm stronger in the Lord than I've ever been because I realize that is a weakness for me but the Lord is still shaping me to be what He wants me to be. Now Andy and I are friends and I'm good friends with his girlfriend as well. God has blessed and strengthened me through that expierence even more than I could have imagined and I truly believe that He used this so I could understand how some of the ladies I've worked with in Honduras feel. I love my Lord and I thank Him for His grace and mercy towards me.

Purity

So much of the time we as Christians focus on sexual purity but we don't think about the ways that even without being sexually active we can be impure and can harm our relationship with Christ. We forget that emotional, mental, physically and spiritual purity is just as important. We have to remember that if any part of us is impure it directly affects our relationship with God and in turn with other Christians. If our true desire is for God then we will strive in everyway to keep ourselves pure because we are the temple of God. Our purity reflects on us and on the church and will most of the time be the only thing related to Christ that people will read.

Falling in "Love" to quickly

I spent the past few weeks realizing just exactly what I meant when I told friends that I had fallen in love. I realize now it wasn't love but closer to lust. When a person becomes your primary focus and you forget about the One you serve you've traded and unconditional indescribable love for a human "love" that can be changed or even stopped. I've found that when I focus on God that void is filled with His power and love and even in bad situations I can look and say yeah I don't understand this but I know God is using this to grow me. There is a good side to love as long as it is a love God has but in your life and not a love that you try to convince God to accept. I know because just reccently I had someone in my life that I said I loved but the whole entire time I was trying to convince my self that God would say ok even though he wasn't a Christian. Trust me be in constant prayer when you start getting to know someone in order to find out if they are the right ones.

Life

Today has been an eye opening day. I realized today that all though I thought I knew who i wanted in my life nothing is what it used to be. I've prayed and cried over my family and friends and even though I love them all I now know all things come in God's time and not mine even if I am impatient. I also have realized that God may show you things that you don't even realize until you're talking to another Christian and you realize that what you're telling them is something that God has been trying to show you. God is such an amazing awesome Father who has blessed my life in so many ways and I love Him more every day. Thanks be to God who has blessed my life in so many ways.